Saturday, August 23, 2008

Why are you apologizing?

Alright, I understand that each of us has our own trials. I know that we also each must find our own way to deal with and get through those trials. However, just because one of the trials in my life is infertility issues, doesn't mean that I don't want to know and be happy for those of you that are having kids! You do not need to say that so and so is pregnant and then apologize to me because "I probably don't want to hear that". (Yes that actually has happened a few times just in the last month, hence my post.) Yes, there was a period in my life when every time I heard someone else was having a baby I was insanely jealous, I would get upset and wonder "why me" and all of the self pity that goes with that line of thinking. However, I must say, that I am quite happy with where I am in my life right now. If I am supposed to have my own biological children, then I truely believe it will happen, in the Lord's time.
The Lord has and does know what's best for me. He knows that I couldn't have done the things I've done for myself, my family, my first grades, and total stranges if I would have had my own children right now. He also knows that I would not have survived the death of my father while caring for my own children, I needed that time to be completely there for my family. He knows me best, He has lived through and suffered the pain, heartache, and yearning I feel so that He would know how to comfort me. I know He loves me because he has helped me get to this place in my life where I truely am happy!

All that said, please don't appologize when you tell me that you or someone else is having a baby. I can and will be just as excited as "I should be." I have made some comments lately that just about everyone I know of childbearing age has had a baby in the last year or is currently pregnant. I am honestly so thrilled for each of you! Sure, I have my moments, but I usually have them in the privacy of my own home and they are short and very few and far between. But that is my problem, not yours! I'm a big girl, I can deal with it. I promise. There is no need for apologizing. It's not like you're stealing my child! You're adding to your family, and I understand that, and I'm happy for you.

To all of you that have kids and let me play with them, hold them, and love them, thank you. I love your kids! I love buying them gifts and reading to them and playing games with them. I love talking to them on the phone, getting pictures of them, and hearing how much they're growing and learning. I love that they're as happy to see me as I am to see them. I most especially love knowing that they have parents that love them as much as I would love mine. And I'm so grateful to call each of you my friends!

I love my first graders too. They are one of the many reasons why I am so happy with my life right now. They make my day. There are a thousand things they say that make me laugh, or cry. They invest in me as much as I do in them. They are so honest, yet, forgiving.

So my request to each of you is, please, tell me the joys you're having in your life, I really do love sharing them with you. There is no need to apologize!

7 comments:

SarahMarie said...

At times my friends don't want to tell me they are getting married because it might hurt me. I know at times I get jealous and I would love to be, but I feel the same as you. There is nothing I can do and if I am suppose to be, I would be. Nice post and my life is getting better. Just a lot to take at once.

steveandsteph said...

Great post. I feel the same way. Couldn't have said it better myself.

carolyn said...

Boy do I understand your feelings! You are the greatest!

Lindsay said...

You couldn't have said that any better. You are the best friend ever. And I am so grateful that you live here. You have no idea how much you help me with my family. And I want to thank you for that. My girls love you to death(that also includes John). You know that I am always here for you to vent or just to talk. And I completely understand where you are coming from.

The Connors Mistress said...

Erika, you are the bestest ever! And as a random insert, cue wicked witch/cat scene from Emperor's New Groove....I have no idea why that popped into my head...

And yeah, I am sometimes jealous of those who are not in the child stage yet....the current little beast within (I'm sure I'll love it....lol, eventually) is sure sapping me dry. And Ellerie? Hmm, she has so many of my traits, it's not even funny. Well it is, especially according to Matt. Like dealing with myself. Only mini. Ahh....yeah, I'm done :)

Jessi said...

Hey, I wanted to say thanks for this post. I agree with a lot of the comments already made on the post. My best friend got married on Saturday, and right after she got engaged I pulled her aside and told her to stop worrying about how I would handle her being the happiest she's ever been. It's like she was afraid to really show how happy she was when she was around me. I don't think people realize that it makes you feel worse when they treat you like you can't handle it.

Anyway, I'm really hoping that sometime in the end of September to the beginning of October I will be heading down to Tucson, hopefully by way of your place! I'm still trying to work out the details, but I'll keep you posted!

Lee Family said...

We love you Aunt Erika!
-Johnny, Megan & Toby